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 Post subject: best heckler
PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:09 pm 
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Location: Birmingham
Hello everyone,

The best heckle I heard about was a blind guy in the audience. He shouted "Get off the stage, you're rubbish" and then waited a few moments and said "has he gone?"

I think that's pretty good.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 7:31 pm 
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Location: Liverpool
Harry Hill's classic all-rounder no-actually-put-down putdown "That might be all well and good sir but when I go home I've got a nice chicken waiting in the oven".

One of my first gigs, having only been 'heckled' once before (more accosted really), I man yelled out 'your shit'. I stopped mid-sentence, paused, a bit of a tension, turned to the other side of the room, covered my mouth and whispered 'worridly' to the audience "I'm shit"? Not very good really but it worked well enough that night, thanks to the great response I'd been getting from the vast majority.

Another equally weak in technically not being a put down, a drunk yelled "get off stage", again I cut-off, paused, looked at him and very patronisingly went 'ssshh'! turned back to the crowd at large "Annnyway...

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:10 pm 
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One of mine I thought of is if a heckler shouts out anything derogatory - 'How much does it cost to get in here? Did you sell enough big issues to afford a drink aswell?'


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:53 pm 
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Post number 1
I am on a comedy course at the moment....yeah i know, a whole other debate in a whole other thread, however it is more of a social thing than any ideas i may have of storming the comedy world. We have been encouraged to write put downs for a class exercise, these are my lame attempts.

"I am not going to put him down or discourage him, after 12 years of child abuse induced silence, I am pleased he chose this evening to share his most private thoughts, let's hope his next one is just as inciteful....something along the lines of 'no daddy I dont want to play 'tag team your little brother' any more."

Excuse me sir I believe your flies are open, that asshole i can hear is less muffled than normal.

When you were trying to decide where to go this evening did you have your original idea scuppered by a nurse explaining that one more load of cum in your ass and the hamster may drown?

Dont hate him for talking shit, with that many sex toys in his ass it had to find a different escape route.


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 Post subject: best heckles
PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:20 pm 
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Posts: 296
just curious, what comedy course asked you to write you heckle put downs?


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 Post subject: Re: best heckles
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:38 pm 
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Dave_Ward wrote:
just curious, what comedy course asked you to write you heckle put downs?


Where did you learn to whisper?!

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 Post subject: Re: best heckles
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:51 pm 
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DeafSteve wrote:
Dave_Ward wrote:
just curious, what comedy course asked you to write you heckle put downs?


Where did you learn to whisper?!


I bet it was twitter

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 1:45 am 
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At the Porthole Comedy club a few weeks ago, during a Canadian woman's set (I can't remember her name - please forgive me) a bald man was bored so sought entertainment on his mobile phone, to which the woman said...

"are you text messaging right now? Sir - that won't make your hair grow."

It got the biggest laugh of her set and one of the biggest of the night.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:49 pm 
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One of the best put downs I have heard of - although it wasn't technically a heckle - was about Marylin Munroe. A well known comedian (can't remember his name) was performing in Las Vegas and had got the audience in the palm of his hand when there was a commotion at the back of the room, the spotlights swung to reveal Marylin Munroe, dressed up to the nine's dripping with diamonds like the film godess she was, slowly wiggling and waving at everybody on the way to her table near the front. When she eventually settled down and the audience once more faced the front the comedian pointed at her and said "I thought I told you to stay in the truck!"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:26 am 
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"Marilyn Munroe" - was she from Leeds?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 5:57 pm 
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Shawnsy wrote:
"Marilyn Munroe" - was she from Leeds?

:lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:33 pm 
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Location: Lincoln, UK
Heckler: How do you put your trousers on?

Noel:Is that a trick question? ...I put them in fireplace and come down the fucking chimney.... then I take them off again to fuck your mum.

Heckler: that's not very imaginative!

Noel: I try to fuck her in imaginative ways! I'd dress her up as a penguin and set fire to her!.....Anything? C'mon I don't mind I love these jokes? *mocks guys voice* "not very imaginative".......
Everyone hates you!

Brutal


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:51 pm 
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Benji wrote:
Noel:Is that a trick question? ...I put them in fireplace and come down the fucking chimney.... then I take them off again to fuck your mum.



Crass, weak, and done before by desperate spotty student openers. Whoever this Noel is, he is very unimaginative.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 4:39 pm 
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Sol Rosenburg wrote:
Is it acceptable to borrow other comedians put downs? Or not. I'd imagine it goes on all the time. I like some of the ones here and would imagine they will be appearing at a club near me soon.


General rule of thumb is heckler put downs are open for any comic to use, there are a lot of stock standard responses out there. Ultimately hecklers can destroy the flow and as an act you want them to shut up and stay shut up. Use any resource you can remember to get them to shut their traps. You'll find your favourites. The trick is knowing when to employ them.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 5:16 am 
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Location: Brisbane, Australia
I heard this one the other night when a comedian asked two ladies to stop talking. Turns out one of the 'ladies' was a ver effeminate bloke.

James: Excuse me ladies, can you please stop talking?

Random punter: That's a bloke mate.

James: Easy there. No need to be rude. Oh, it is a bloke. You're a sexy bloke aren't you. I like your hair. It's all floppy and mincy.

Heckler: Don't be homophobic, you dickhead. You breeder! Fuck off.

James: I'm not homophobic. I love gay guys. I'd even fuck you right here on stage. Balls deep.

Heckler: Honey, I'm a giver, not a taker.

James: Oh, we'll see who the dominant one is.

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