Put downs - Best heckle put-downs you've heard

NigeeBaby · Joined: 27 Sep 2009 Posts: 39

We did an Edinburgh Preview gig recently and Giada Garofalo had a woman talking in the front row.
After the first 3 minutes she turned to the woman and shouted 'Will you just shut the fuck up.......'.
It got the biggest cheer of the night and the crowd loved it and her.

Result
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NigeeBaby · Joined: 27 Sep 2009 Posts: 39

I'm interested that comedians would want to use rehearsed put downs with hecklers but surely the beauty of live entertainment, including comedy is that it is 'in the moment' and not some line you practise designed to make you look good and them bad.
Is it such a crazy idea to see what happens and then deal with it or ignore it LIVE?
Isn't this what we do all the time in our lives, react to things as they happen. Why should it be any different with comedy?
The worst heckle I've encountered is total silence ...... I just assumed nobody laughed because they were listening very carefully to what I had to say, turns out that wasn't the case, it's just that I was rubbish !!
I wasn't the only person to die that night, thanks to a petrol powered chainsaw and a psychotic tendency.....
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reado · Joined: 25 Jul 2010 Posts: 11

My favourite heckle has got to be from a student comedian I know called Dannish Babar. He was performing a new set and struggling to remember some of his jokes so someone yelled out, "tell us a knob gag!" To which he replied, "if I wanted to hear a knob gag I'd choke you."

Lukaswild · Joined: 26 Mar 2009 Posts: 229

Without blowing my own trumpet too hard I was quite proud of this one when I was talking about accidentally killing a goldfish:

Heckler: You should kill yourself

Me: You should show me how.

Probably had to be there..
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MJR · Joined: 13 Jan 2010 Posts: 99 Location: Didcot, Oxfordshire

probably
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Saharamay · Joined: 19 Apr 2010 Posts: 7

I was doing a gig in Glasgow recently, the gig has a reputation for being pretty tough but this one night a whole crowd of very drunk middle aged Glasweigens were in for a birthday party and did not like the idea of females doing comedy. At all.
I get onstage to a pretty awful silence where all I can hear is "aw jesus it's a burd"- this one guy is in the front row during my set on Botox and shouts out "you're a desperate minger- I can see why you'd need work!" was cacking myself but came back with what was basically the truth- "ladies and gentlemen, this man has no teeth. He's right though, i'd probably still do 'im"....thankfully they found that funny.
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reado · Joined: 25 Jul 2010 Posts: 11

bullwhip · Joined: 11 Jan 2011 Posts: 26

My favourite heckle happened the other day. A female comedian was doing some good gags and a fella in the audience said "eh, love, show us your tits!" with all actions and everything. And she did! And when she was replacing them into her bra-sheath, she said, "now, has ANYONE else got anything more to add?" Seriously, the place blew up and she stormed the gig from then on.

bullwhip · Joined: 11 Jan 2011 Posts: 26

Wait, no, thought of another one: I was at a gig the other day and a man comedian wasn't doing very well. The crowd were getting restless legs syndrome from his bad bad gags. And one of them stood up and said "you're killing this room, you!" And the comedian (he's not my mate) went "oh yeah? Well, I shagged your mum, alright?! Doggy-style and everything, and she didn't even like it!" Seriously, the place blew up and he stormed the set from then on.

JapaneseBoy · Joined: 16 Jul 2010 Posts: 263 Location: London

I was doing a gig the other night and a punter said something. I didn't really know what to say back and it was all a bit akward and embarassing. Then on the drive home I thought of something really clever and funny that I should have said, but it was too late. Then I logged onto Chortle and pretended that I actually said it to him and that I am really quick and good at stand up comedy.

Book me please.

bullwhip · Joined: 11 Jan 2011 Posts: 26

Paul Savage speaks Easy · Joined: 05 Dec 2007 Posts: 1491 Location: Wolverhampton

Gig up in Newcastle.

Young fella called Dickie, got interrupted by a lad who was constantly interrupting.

Dickie says " Oi, will you shut up. Manners isn't just the name of the metro stop where your mum lost her virginity"

For those who were confused, Manners is a metro stop in Newcastle. Local reference= comedy gold