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matt hollins
Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 78
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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 4:32 pm Post subject: Jokes for sale!!! |
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I've recently bumped into and old mate called Dave and he's a gag writing machine. Here's a couple of examples:
If a woman had a fetish for men pissing themselves, you could say urine here!
Why are piano keys no good at collecting coal? Because They're not all minors!!
Like I say he's a very prolific writer, You should only contact me if you're a comedian with soul or an open spot with lot's of spare money. Not suitable for offensive c*nts such as Jerry Sadowitz wannabee Frankie Boyle!!
If you use any of the above jokes without permission, we will track you down and f*ck you up.
Please email me at matthewhollins@hotmail.com if you would like more details.
all the best
Matt |
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Roughy
Joined: 01 Jun 2001
Posts: 1133
Location: In a house on a hill in West Yorkshire
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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Good luck with those.
It's Miners by the way |
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Barcy Dussell
Joined: 24 May 2012
Posts: 89
Location: Outsize baggage.
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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That is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read anywhere.
I'm an open spot and I'd love to spend all my non-existent money on someone else's rubbish one liners. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE?! |
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Barcy Dussell
Joined: 24 May 2012
Posts: 89
Location: Outsize baggage.
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorry that was a shitty first post. I apologise. |
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Tony Brand
Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 2578
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Roughy wrote: | | It's Miners by the way |
It's one of those jokes that doesn't look right written down, but sounds okay when spoken.
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Revealing the awful truth about lefty-liberalism... |
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tony cowards
Joined: 26 Sep 2002
Posts: 11198
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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I'm getting deja vu, didn't we have this discussion about selling jokes about a month ago?
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"A beaut of a one-liner merchant" - londonisfunny.com
"The best joke writer around" - James Mullinger (GQ magazine)
"You're silly!" - Kurt, 5 (now about 12), West Wickham
Check out my jokes here
Last edited by tony cowards on Thu May 24, 2012 7:08 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Ash-LT
Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 1188
Location: Edinburgh
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Tony Brand wrote: | | Roughy wrote: | | It's Miners by the way |
It's one of those jokes that doesn't look right written down, but sounds okay when spoken. |
Yes, but it's just a variation on a joke that's as old as the hills and yet still actually much funnier, ie. what note do you get if you drop a piano down a coal pit? A Flat Minor.
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Tony Brand
Joined: 13 May 2005
Posts: 2578
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Ash-LT wrote: | | Tony Brand wrote: | | Roughy wrote: | | It's Miners by the way |
It's one of those jokes that doesn't look right written down, but sounds okay when spoken. |
Yes, but it's just a variation on a joke that's as old as the hills |
Oh absolutely, I was just posting to say minor was correct when written down, it being about piano keys, but sounds better when spoken.
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Roughy
Joined: 01 Jun 2001
Posts: 1133
Location: In a house on a hill in West Yorkshire
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Tony Brand wrote: | | Roughy wrote: | | It's Miners by the way |
It's one of those jokes that doesn't look right written down, but sounds okay when spoken. |
Well thanks Tony! |
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imac hunt
Joined: 02 Feb 2005
Posts: 3396
Location: London
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:43 pm Post subject: Re: Jokes for sale!!! |
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| matt hollins wrote: |
If a woman had a fetish for men pissing themselves, you could say urine here!
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Or you could say "You're in, here!"
Or you could say "Fetish,? Wetish more like"
Or you could say (you get the idea) |
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emceehamster
Joined: 27 May 2010
Posts: 380
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 1:16 am Post subject: |
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How much are these jokes?
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Will tell jokes for food. Or Beer. |
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matt hollins
Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 78
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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| more samples to follow shortly when I get in contact with Dave again. Keep those emails coming in. |
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anonymous the poet
Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 1954
Location: Derby
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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Has he got any that are funny?
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I am the Alchemist of Mirth ....I turn irony into comic gold. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uv4Gvq2cpM
comedians are like tinkerbell ..if you don't believe in us ...we die |
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emceehamster
Joined: 27 May 2010
Posts: 380
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:08 am Post subject: |
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the jokes you've put at the top are shit, but I'll use them anyway just to piss you off.
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Will tell jokes for food. Or Beer. |
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anonymous the poet
Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 1954
Location: Derby
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:34 am Post subject: |
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| emceehamster wrote: | | the jokes you've put at the top are shit, but I'll use them anyway just to piss you off. |
You underestimate the power of these gags ....., I think you'll find you manage to piss off everyone
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I am the Alchemist of Mirth ....I turn irony into comic gold. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uv4Gvq2cpM
comedians are like tinkerbell ..if you don't believe in us ...we die |
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