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matt hollins
Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 77
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 Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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more samples:
What do u call a muslim with good intentions? Asif (as if for thick c*nts, that means you Roughy).
How do burglars rob computers in house's? They get in through the windows.
There you are one good one and one dodgy one. Won't be seeing Dave for a while, but please keep those emails coming in.
all the best
Matt |
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Roughy
Joined: 01 Jun 2001
Posts: 1131
Location: In a house on a hill in West Yorkshire
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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Got the Asif one.....when I first heard it 10 years or so ago
This is a wind up, isn't it? |
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MattHolmes
Joined: 20 Nov 2011
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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| matt hollins wrote: | more samples:
What do u call a muslim with good intentions? Asif (as if for thick c*nts, that means you Roughy).
How do burglars rob computers in house's? They get in through the windows.
There you are one good one and one dodgy one.
Matt |
I genuinely don't mean to be horrible but can I ask which one you thought was good and which dodgy? |
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anonymous the poet
Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 1949
Location: Derby
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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Second one really badly written ....nearly works as how do computer thieves gain entry ......through windows
would stlll suck the funny out the gag next to it
has "my mate Dave"(asif) ever told a joke to an audience
Whats the difference between Pudsey (the dancing dog) and the coalition.........................Pudsey's got more than one trick
thank you thank you ! .".keep them e-mails coming" (did Dave write that line ...cos thats funny )
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I am the Alchemist of Mirth ....I turn irony into comic gold. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uv4Gvq2cpM
comedians are like tinkerbell ..if you don't believe in us ...we die
Last edited by anonymous the poet on Mon May 28, 2012 2:16 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Eddie Twist
Joined: 20 Mar 2012
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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Might I humbly suggest he tries the Christmas cracker market instead.
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A Cornishman who ran away to London in search of vampires. Inventor of the garlic pasty. |
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Thomas73
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Posts: 95
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:22 am Post subject: |
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| Eddie Twist wrote: | | Might I humbly suggest he tries the Christmas cracker market instead. |
He'll need to work up to that standard.
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The Time I Punched a Stegosaurus to Pluto |
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Sean Cosgrove
Joined: 14 Feb 2012
Posts: 152
Location: London
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:30 am Post subject: |
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| I'm confused. Are these jokes meant to be good, or is this all Shoreditch and ironic? |
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ianMiller
Joined: 18 Jan 2011
Posts: 53
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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I once saw a chicken. So then I raped it! *pause for laughter an applause*
And I got banned from KFC! *pause for laughter an applause*
Cock lickin' good *pause for laughter an applause*
Yours for £50.
Order today and I'll throw in a catholic church peado joke I stole from sickipedia. Can't say fairer that that!
Still taking orders... |
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Sean Cosgrove
Joined: 14 Feb 2012
Posts: 152
Location: London
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Ian, who's the cheque payable to? |
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matt hollins
Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 77
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 1:01 am Post subject: |
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Well they made me laugh when he told me them, I think it's the way he tells them, don't think he wants to try stand up though, he had a look at chortle and got the impression the "industry" was full of bitter c*nts!! On a more serious note follow me on twitter I'm matthollins2.
goodnight
god bless! |
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Sean Cosgrove
Joined: 14 Feb 2012
Posts: 152
Location: London
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 2:50 am Post subject: |
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| "It's the way he tells them"? No offence but I'd be impressed to see Christ Himself turn these into jokes that made an audience laugh. Not really a bitterness thing, just that these particular jokes are genuinely some of the poorest I've seen in a long time. |
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Martin_Caine
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Posts: 309
Location: Poole, Dorset
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| matt hollins wrote: | Well they made me laugh when he told me them, I think it's the way he tells them, don't think he wants to try stand up though, he had a look at chortle and got the impression the "industry" was full of bitter c*nts!! On a more serious note follow me on twitter I'm matthollins2.
goodnight
god bless! |
you're all bitter c*nts but you can follow me on twitter, now thats comedy 
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If you don't see the funny side of it then you just haven't gotten over it yet! |
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matt hollins
Joined: 13 Jul 2004
Posts: 77
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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no joking aside follow me on twitter I'm matthollins2. I don't do stand up anymore I'm more interested in getting the working class's to rise up and take our country from the Tory scum that try to grind the working class's into the ground. The so called coalition that try to send Paranoid Schizophrenics back to work. I'll be talking about the police who gang rape woman who are forced into prostitution after a hard night nicking good honest people for the slightest misdeamour. Cameron's cutting the police by 1,600 anyway so I guess he trusts us to sort out our own problems with his "Big Society". Have a look It'll be interesting reading, until it gets shutdown or I get arrested.
god bless
Matt |
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emceehamster
Joined: 27 May 2010
Posts: 376
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| Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 12:59 am Post subject: |
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uh... no thanks.
Mind you, be more of a laugh than your mate's shit jokes.
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Will tell jokes for food. Or Beer. |
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Sean Cosgrove
Joined: 14 Feb 2012
Posts: 152
Location: London
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| Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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Also, am I missing something or is this "joke":
What do u call a muslim with good intentions? Asif (as if for thick c*nts, that means you Roughy).
genuinely nasty, racsit and offensive? |
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